Your own parental responses are guided by whether you see the behavior as a problem. Frequently, parents over interpret or over react to a minor, normal short-term change in behavior. At the other extreme, they may ignore or downplay a serious problem. They also may seek quick, simple answers to what are, in fact, complex problems. All of these responses may create difficulties or prolong the time for a resolution.
Behavior that parents tolerate, disregard or consider reasonable differs from one family to the next. Some of these differences come from the parents' own upbringing; they may have had very strict or very permissive parents themselves, and their expectations of their children follow accordingly. Other behavior is considered a problem when parents feel that people are judging them for their child's behavior; this leads to an inconsistent response from the parents, who may tolerate behavior at home that they are embarrassed by in public.
The parents' own temperament, usual mood, and daily pressures will also influence how they interpret the child's behavior. Easygoing parents may accept a wider range of behavior as normal and be slower to label something a problem, while parents who are by nature more stern move more quickly to discipline their children. Depressed parents, or parents having marital or financial difficulties, are less likely to tolerate much latitude in their offspring's behavior. Parents usually differ from one another in their own backgrounds and personal preferences, resulting in differing parenting styles that will influence a child's behavior and development.
When children's behavior is complex and challenging, some parents find reasons not to respond. For instance, parents often rationalize ("It's not my fault"), despair ("Why me?"), wish it would go away ("Kids outgrow these problems anyway"), deny ("There's really no problem"), hesitate to take action ("It may hurt his feelings"), avoid ("I didn't want to face his anger") or fear rejection ("He won't love me").
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